James Part 3

"Sacred dance of grief and joy." -Beth Moore

James 1:2 "Consider it a great joy...whenever we experience various trials..." 

I don't know about you, but I have never found myself facing a trial with great joy. Looking back to those trials as I am sitting here typing I can see how God used each of them to mold and shape me and to shape my relationship with him, How do you face the trails with joy, how do you face the heartbreak with joy? Let me share a bit of my testimony with you, bare with me...

April 14th, 2010- It was just like any other regular day, Jeremy had worked the night before and was fast asleep and Addie and I made a quick escape out of the house to avoid waking him up. I was 12 weeks pregnant and headed to the doctor for a check up with Addie in tow. I had no reason to think that something was wrong, our excitement was growing and anticipation of another precious child we would welcome into our family. I was so excited, we were closing on our new house the next day, a house big enough for our growing family....Life was perfect. Sitting in the Doctors office I was tired and in a hurry I had things to get done, Addie was restless and ready to go. The Doctor used the Doppler but could not find a heartbeat, I don't remember thinking anything, almost like my mind just blanked and I looked at Addie, she was playing with her coloring book and had no idea what was happening. The Doctor ordered an ultrasound sure that everything was fine and that sweet baby was just hiding. Those next 20 minutes were the longest I had felt in a long time. Our sweet angels heart stopped beating and I didn't even know. I was so overwhelmed with tears and heartbreak that my 2 year old was afraid, "what's wrong mommy?" she kept asking me....When I finally made it to the car after an hour of discussion with my doctor I was mentally drained and my mind shifted to my husband and how was a supposed to tell him that our baby was gone and our dreams have spiraled out of control. I never once lost sight of the fact that God has a purpose, my heart was broken but I knew there was a purpose. I took Addie to a friend and cried with her until I could no longer cry and knew i needed to go home. Jeremy and I cried together for hours, our minds went to closing on our new house, how we would explain this all to Addie and what are we going to do now. I don't remember finding any joy in that moment, in those days.

James tells us to consider it joy when we face trails, why should we consider it  great joy? I could recount more stories of the day my dad died suddenly of a brain aneurysm, our first miscarriage, financial troubles, my brothers battle with cancer and eventually his death, my parents divorce when I was young....I could continue to list trials. Why should we consider it great joy?

You might be surprised to know, like I was like joy and anguish are linked in the word of God (John 16:20-24) Anguish and Joy can coexist (James 1:2), and Anguish can trade places with joy (Isaiah 61:1-3) -Beth Moore. You know even in those trials that I faced I can look back and see how God worked in those situations I can see the Joy that came out of the Anguish. Even when we face trails God has not left us, He is still there, He still loves us, we still have an eternal hope. There is joy, but that doesn't mean our hearts do not hurt and we don't feel broken but we as Christians can still have joy in the darkest moments in our lives. We will face trials, that is the life that we have, we will face dark and scary days but God is still with us and he is still in control and we can be confident that even though we are heart broken He will use it for something great. There is always sunshine after the rain, and if we let the sun shine during the rain, we will end up with a beautiful rainbow.